I Only Asked For Help to Cross The Stream

Sun is shining, the winds are cool, and the happy sounds are engulfing the village air this day. It is going to be a great day I thought to myself.

“Baby, come over here and take out the maize,” Mother called after me. That snapped me out of my awe over nature, but only for a bit. No sooner had I set out the maize to dry was I now imagining all the fun I would have with my friends.

The long rains had just ended and this was the first time the sun was out so nice and bright early.

“Mum, do you need me to do anything else?” I asked eager to leave.

“No my dear, you can go,” She voiced after me

I was super excited to head out and play with my friends.

It was quite a walk away, but never too far for games, fun and good company. I had to pass through Mama Anne’s compound, the new construction site, over the stream behind it to get to the village playing fields where we always met up with my friends.

When I got to Mama Anne’s compound, I couldn’t help but call out for Anne, then the walk would not have to be so lonely. Luckily she was also dressing to get ready to go to playing fields too. I waited for her outside as I played with the puppy. She was soon done and we were on our way.

Engrossed in our banter, we did not see that the stream was ten times its size! When we got to its shores, we tried to figure out how to cross it. It was break time for the construction workers. One was seated by the now gigantic stream smoking away. He just started at us and didn’t say anything. I found him really creepy.

Anne was not as shy as I was and she proceeded to engage the man in small talk. I didn’t like the fact that we were wasting time. I also didn’t want to have to go all the way around to get to the fields. That would have taken another half hour. I interrupted Anne and asked the stranger,

 “Excuse me sir, could you please help us cross the stream?”

 

He glared at me and crocked smile engrossed his face. He answered in the affirmative, put out his cigarette and walked towards us.

“I can only carry one of you at a time,” he said.

We looked at each other and nodded at him. He stated with Anne and took her across. I did not know what he said to her, because as he was heading back for me, Anne was running towards the fields. I tried to call after her, but she didn’t seem to hear me.

Feeling very freaked out, I decided I should go the long way around. As the man was getting to my side of the stream, I had already turned away. He yelled at me by my name. I was stunned. How did he know my name? I had stopped and was looking at him heading towards me.

 

He held my hand and told me to be quiet. The banks of the stream were quite bushy. He sat down, still holding onto me and asked me to lift my dress and remove my underwear. I was so scared I couldn’t move. He pulled me closer to him.

I must have blacked out cause the next time I was getting to my senses, I was facing away from him, his hands on my waist my underwear at my ankles. I could feel something hard pressing against me. I was quite afraid and the tears just rolled down my cheeks. He grunted at me though I never heard what he said. My tears got worse and I started wheezing.

He stood up, pulled up my underwear and carried me across the stream, left me on the other side of the bank and he crossed back. I ran as fast as I could to the fields. I was still afraid, but the sight of my friends made me super happy. I wiped away my tears fast so they do not see them.

Seeing Anne made me angry. I didn’t want to talk to her. She pulled me away from our other friends and I asked,

“Why did you leave me alone with a stranger?”

“He threatened me with a knife, he said if I didn’t leave he would hurt you! Are you Ok? What happened?”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m fine now. But NEVER EVER leave me again,” I scolded.

We hugged it out and returned to play.

It was soon too hot to play and we all headed to our respective homes for lunch and more importantly some water. Heading back home, I asked Anne we go the long way around. She was a little reluctant, but agreed. She took me all the way home this time, then she headed alone to hers.

I did not tell my mother what transpired that morning. Hoping it would die and go away. The afternoon dragged on and later in the evening, dad came home with some workers. Our house was not quite complete, so we had many workers ‘visiting’. However, they would only come when dad was around.

As was custom, mother had prepared a tray for the men, and often, I was the one to serve them. I almost fainted! One of the men I was serving was the stranger from the stream.

All around the world, thousands of sexual harassment cases go unreported. In many communities, children are taught to be quiet and obey without question. As such, children often do not report abuse cases cause of the threats they get from their abusers. The World Health Organization (WHO) defines child abuse and child maltreatment as “all forms of physical and/or emotional ill-treatment, sexual abuse, neglect or negligent treatment or commercial or other exploitation, resulting in actual or potential harm to the child's health, survival, development or dignity in the context of a relationship of responsibility, trust or power.”

According to a UNICEF report, levels of violence prior to age 18 as reported by 18 to 24 year olds (lifetime experiences) indicate that during childhood, 32% of females and 18% of males experience sexual violence. 66% of females and 73% of males experienced physical violence and 26% of females and 32% of males experience emotional violence as a child. 13% of females and 9% of males experienced all three types of violence during childhood. In a household-level survey of more than 3,000 young people, it found that three out of four children experienced some form of sexual, physical or emotional violence. Most worrisome is that violence against children does not appear to be random or uncoordinated, or perpetuated by strangers: abusers are not only known to their victims but often have close, personal ties.

Nowadays, there are many local, international, governmental and non-governmental organizations geared towards proper education, health, and rescue of victims of abuse and neglect. There are also rehabilitation centres where the victims can escape to.

He Said He Loved Me

Wind blew,

Chimers chimed,

Oops, hair in my face,

He moved it away.

I smiled,

Feeling loved,

Feeling safe,

He said he loved me.

 

We grew older,

Responsibilities kicked in,

Time to move,

To the different worlds we came from,

Still he said he loved me.

Days, months, years passed,

All alone in my world,

None to swipe my hair when the wind blew,

None to whisper or

Hold my hand,

Didn’t see him,

Yet, he still said he loved me.

Horror,

Betrayal,

Anger,

He has another,

Married now he claims,

But still,

He says he loves me.

My Penis Defines Me

I may come off as cocky, or chauvinistic, but I love having a penis. I love being a guy. I think we guys have it easy, sure there are people crying for the boy child, but look, we are still a patriarchal society. Men run this country!

I think just by the virtue of having a willy, my confidence is over the roof. I am strong, courageous and am almost certain I can get any girl I want. If you have a penis, you cannot afford to be a woos. Think of yourself as descendent from the greatest kings of this world, the warriors, even the treaty signers. The men have created the world we live in. we men shape this environment. You cannot afford to be a yellow belly and still carry around a penis.

My manhood rests between my legs. It is because of the hormones produced down there that I can stand tall and be super proud of who I am. I am strong, I am wise, I am the man!! I have no apologies for this. The testosterone running in my blood defines me. It has created me in to this rock, this ruler!

As a man in this economy, you earn a lot more than a woman in the same position. Be glad lads, just cause you M and not F, you are paid more. I think it is cause the society understands that in being a man, I have a ton more responsibilities, plus I always gotta look my best at all times. Not metro-man, there is nothing wrong with that, but what I mean is clean, well set, well dressed, neat haircut, overall well grooming. Remember people also use their senses to react to you, so always look good, smell great, and speak confidently.

The penis is a powerful tool. You have to be very careful how you utilize it. The penis is used as a weapon during war, even in crimes (rape). It is at such times I detest men. If you are proud and you know all the power you have as a penis-wielder, you would not stoop so low as to use it as a weapon. I have never heard of laws making boobs a crime, could it be that the carriers of boobs know their worth? There I do not know-not having a pair of boobs myself. I know the power my penis has, I do not have to victimize anyone with it to prove it.

My penis is the family line. Living in a patriarchal society, I wield and pass on my family name to the next generation. I am responsible for the continuity of my family’s legacy. Just by having a penis, my family’s pride will continue.

I love myself, not obsessed, but I am proud and happy to be me, wouldn’t change it for anyone!

HOMOSEXUALITY: A return to our roots?

“What Catholicism and most other modern Christian churches vigorously deny is just how much homosexuality was not tolerated, although practiced by many of its founding fathers and the degree of toleration- if not veneration, that it received.”

Yuki Choe, writer for Reflections Asia.

Homosexuality is one of the three main categories of sexual orientation, along with bisexuality and heterosexuality, within the heterosexual-homosexual continuum (with asexuality sometimes considered a fourth).

Homosexuality and Bisexuality are ubiquitous throughout the world. They exist in all cultures, and at all times in history. Relics of our evolutionary history, homosexuality and bisexuality are very commonly practiced nearly in every culture, whether tolerated or not. The differences among cultures are the openness with which it is practiced.

Some degree of bisexuality, in the absence of cultural taboos, is not only extremely common in men, but is probably the rule! “Homosexuality of convenience” which occurs in the absence of available female partners (such as is commonly seen in prisons) is widespread even in cultures that frown homosexuality. Most men, at some time in their lives experience homoerotic feelings towards other men-whether they admit it or not.

According to Masters and Johnson, the percentage of men who have had a homoerotic experience to orgasm is amazingly high in America. By the age of 49, 60% of American men have had such an experience.

The argument here though, was, and has always been, that homosexuality is un-African and that it has never existed in any prominent way in African societies. Most Africans today argue that Western nations, whilst they denigrate certain African sexualities like polygamy, are the ones responsible for past and current attempts to foist acceptance of homosexuality on African countries and their peoples, a practice many believe to be “Western” or “European”.

History of homosexuality in Africa

Along with the moralisms of Traditional African religions, Christianity and Islam –which were brought to Africa by European missionaries and Arab traders respectively– facilitated homophobia because they regard homosexuality as sin. Today religion shapes many African social and political designs. Churches in Africa are major players in the production of homophobia. According to an article; African Myths about homosexuality, churches here are the most dominant homophobic institutions. Not all African and African-American churches, however, are intolerant to homosexuals.

In pre-colonial Africa, gender variance and sexual inversion included ritual incest and celibacy, such as the Mbonga, a female guardian whose celibacy protected the Shona chief, and the chibanda, a caste of male diviners possessed by female spirits and referred to in early European sources as “passive sodomies”. Among the Lovedu people, the gender inversion involved women. The “rain queen” kept her virginity, but married other girls. In the nineteenth century, Ndebele and Ngoni warriors introduced the practice of ritual male-male sexuality as part of war preparations.

In pre-modern African states, Africans did not conform to the idealized heterosexuality that contemporary African leaders, like Mugabe, prefer to claim as “African Tradition”.

Homosexuality in modern day Africa

From Uganda, where homosexuality is punishable by life imprisonment, to Sierra Leone, where a lesbian activist was raped and stabbed to death on her desk last year. In Kenya, sadly, homosexuals are exposed to both extremes; charged to imprisonment, as well as beaten up in public. Homophobia has long trapped gays in a dangerous, closeted life. With no places to meet openly, no groups to join, it seems sometimes that gay men and lesbians in Africa don't exist at all.

“The only answer is education,” said Linda Baumann, 21, who grew up in a tribal community and was expelled from it when she revealed she was a lesbian. She now lives in Windhoek and hosts a radio program about gay issues. “We have to have courage and stick up for ourselves.”

It is important to appreciate the real roots of our current homophobia. There is little connection between the revulsion we have towards homosexuality with our pre-colonial ancestors who, despite having strict rules that governed all sexualities, did not really see homosexuality as ‘evil’ or deride gays as “worse than dogs and pigs”, as wrote one respondent.

In fact, the roots of our homophobia can actually be traced, paradoxically, to the influence of European colonial rule! If we want to argue that homosexuality is ‘un-African’, it is better not to use “tradition” as a justification for our homophobia because it was actually European colonists who introduced homophobic sentiments in colonial Africa.